Am I losing it???

Day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute the thoughts continue to race in my brain "Will I be able to hold on and get throught this"? As of this point I'm on the count down until the end of this month is out.... I feel like the world is on top of my shoulders..... And my "ONLY" life guard is the one who created me.... I have applied for soooo many jobs, and have been on a couple of interviews... and so far "NOTHING"....I still have time but only a little bit of money left at this point....... It's very hectic, and the time still ticking...... The stress of an unemployed single parent with bills SOON to be do all over again..... The stress of the past, the stress of the present... and the stress of the UNKNOWN future has my adrenaline pumping uncontrollably (Anxiety I guess)

The feeling of anger towards many (those who has the means to help but WON'T) those who ONLY talk about my life instead of Helping to make it a little easier, those who have the ability to hire, but instead hire their friends or family who really don't "NEED" a job, those who LIKE to see a person down whilst deep inside make there hearts smile.... I have been fighting for a couple of years to stay strong barely making it and the thoughts of giving up EVERYTHING continues to cross my mind......

I'm a VERY sweet & honest person, that will do anything within my ability to help people, Why can't I ever get the same in return when I am DOWN???? I'm at the point where I don't want to be disurbed by anyone, Nobody cares.... It's hard struggling with children, without any support hurt even worse.... I try to camoflauge and hide the hurt, agony, stress and other various emotions when I'm around other's with a fake smile like "Oh everything's OK"! being that it's hard to find authentic friends these days, I do have a couple people I vent with, but at some point there's NO more that can be said, and they of course don't wanna be burdened with my problem's all the time when they have their own!!!!

So at least I have my blog to vent for now..... who know's I maynot soon be able to keep you updated if I am unable to keep the internet... I really appreciate you for taking your time out to read whilst I vent.... I must admit that sometimes my life can be pretty interesting.... Most of my life I live inside of my head I don't go out much.. But of course I can't tell you "EVERYTHING" that I think about....lol But I kinda feel a little bit better now being that I had the chance to vent, but the reality still remains I'm STILL in the same situation!! But I have to remind myself that for everyhardship come's ease.... I will NOT go through this forever!!!